I sat with my family at my sixteen year old cousin’s funeral.
What was thought to be as a cramp during a gymnastics meet turned into stage four brain cancer. And that really, really bothers me. To think that people are ripped from this world that young. To remember, very very clearly, countless sleepovers over her house - staying up late, teaching her how to make bracelets, and watching scary movies because she LOVED scary movies. I grew up with her. And now, I look back, knowing she never got to graduate high school. She never had a boyfriend or got to gossip with her other cousins about guys. She never went dress shopping with her mom because she never got the chance to go to prom. She never got to argue with her parents about where she was going to college. Hell, she never even got to apply. She never got to grow into the independent, beautiful, loving person I know she would have grown into. Instead, her last two years were spent relocating to Maryland for the best treatments at the best hospitals, losing her hair to chemotherapy, sitting their in pain having doctors poke and prod at her body, injecting her with drugs left and right destroying every vein and artery. Leaving the hospital that morning, knowing that she was going to die. How do you even process that? What goes on in your brain when you know that this is it? How is that fair?
So yeah. It makes me beyond enraged when my Mom made the comment today saying how “she’s with God now, and that it was God’s special plan”, and preaching this complete and utter bullshit to my siblings. Because that’s not how life works, Mom. God doesn’t have a fucking plan for everyone. If there was a God, 16 year olds wouldn’t be dying of cancer. I just don’t get how anyone can turn to faith as a logical means to explain a situation like this. Why does everyone have to bring religion into everything? And why are people who question that constantly labeled as evil?
Court, I think about you a lot. And I love and miss you even more.
In the end, I’m so thankful that I had the opportunity to have such a different college experience. I could not have asked for more. I’m so excited for many future West Coast adventures. But now, I’m even more excited to go back home for the summer.
Southern California’s Breedin Mommy’s Little Monsters
That was a great way to end freshman year.